The Balancing Act May 26, 2012

I feel like I’ve been living in a world of dichotomies recently, trying to find balance between two opposite ends of the spectrum: behaviorism and humanism, fear and love, dark and light. Learning to live within the wholeness of humanity. It’s an interesting place to be.

My mom and I have a very slowly growing list of the “nicest” people in the world. These are those people who have an amazing, gentle spirit, who seemingly without effort demonstrate unconditional love to all they meet. I think, although I haven’t run this by the list’s co-creator yet, they have found balance. The list includes my kindergarten teacher, a woman I babysat for, and my great-grandmother (There are a few others, but I can’t remember them.).

Greatmamaw was my dad’s grandmother. She was married to a railroad conductor/engineer. He was one of two great-grandparents I never met. She raised 3 children, my grandmother being the youngest. She had 2 grandsons and 3 great-grandchildren. I remember looking up to her inviting smile and warm hugs. Even as I type, I’m wrapped up in a quilt she made. At times, she was so convincing she colluded with Grandmother, my Mom’s maternal grandmother and the strictest of them all, to sneak me a hand full of chocolates when I had obstinately refused my expensive dinner at The Martha Washington Inn.

The entire time I knew her she lived in a long-term care facility for older adults. Part of that time she was living independently, and after a series of strokes that left her paralyzed, she was moved to nursing care. Despite her inability to smile with her mouth, her eyes continued to welcome us as we entered her room. She filled her days with sewing and crafts. No little piece of fabric went to waste (I have two quilts downstairs made from my great-grandfather’s old suits.). She spent time with friends and was always filled with joy! She had learned how to find the balance.

Here’s the interesting about dichotomies, though: One can’t exist without the other. Shadows can’t exist without the light to cast them. Jesus called himself the light of the world and called us to be the same. As we grow into that light, we will cast shadows. They might be our own that follow us for a while, or maybe they are recognitions of injustices toward creation rooted in fear. This is where finding the balance comes. We can walk into the shadow, get lost in the dark or recognize the light that has cast the shadow, remembering all the while that as long as a shadow exists, there is always light.

I don’t know if Greatmamaw had a similar struggle (but there have been plenty of times when I wish she kept journals). It’s a bit hard to imagine. This balancing seemed to come so naturally for her whereas for me, it’s not much more than a balancing act.

The Problem of Privilege… or Recognizing My Privilege May 9, 2012

Bear with me here… I have a suspicion this will become a series of posts as I process a few things. Not the least which include growing up in a United Methodist Conference that has historically supported and encouraged the ongoing discrimination of our LGBTIQQ brothers and sisters, my experiences as a professional counselor and Christian, and my recent experiences as a member of the Western Jurisdiction of the United Methodist Church. This is just where I’m at right now…

There have been numerous posts, blogs, articles, and other media releases since the conclusion of General Conference on Sunday. Some have rejoiced in the outcomes; the majority expressed anger, disappointment, and frustration; others have called for everyone calm down. At the moment, I’m stuck…

During GC, some young delegates supported the reading of a PPP that included the following statement,

“I love you. I love Jesus, and I love the United Methodist Church. I am not saying these truths because I’m disenfranchised or giving up. I’m saying these things because I care and because I’m not leaving.”

That’s easy for me to say. As an ally to our LGBTIQQ brothers and sisters, I stand in a place of privilege. I have not faithfully served a church for decades that has continued, through those decades, to hurt me. The church has not told me that a part of my identity is “incompatible with Christian teaching.” As much as it pains me to hear those words, knowing that they are the position of the church I love, I am also keenly aware the words are not directed at me.

On May 3rd, as the GC decided to uphold the current language in the Book of Discipline, I spent some time reconsidering Jason Mraz’s new song.

It is easy for me to say that I’m not leaving, and I hope that the vital reconciling congregation I have the joy of being a part of chooses to stay. At the same time, I realize parts of this desire are selfish, and the reactions (and I use the term reaction because to the best of my knowledge no formal discussions have been initiated) to the decisions, or lack thereof, of GC includes discussions of how to respond. The option to leave the United Methodist Church is, and should be, on the table. I realize that social action requires those who are willing to stay the course, but I also realize that people who I love and who love me are being hurt. I echo many facebook statuses of May 3rd, “How long, O Lord?” Particularly, how long, O Lord, should I encourage my LGBTIQQ brothers and sisters to support and serve a denomination that does not reciprocate those things with hopes that one day they will be fully accepted and loved?

I don’t know. It’s not as easy as saying I love the church and believe that one day it will change because individuals I know and love are being hurt by the church I know and love.

At present, I will trust my local congregation to take care of itself. It’s been doing so, despite the church’s discrimination, for far longer than I have. Regardless of the future of my local congregation, I will love the United Methodist Church and hope that it will learn from the experience of the past two weeks. Right now, it’s best solution I’ve got.

Local Congregations, It’s Time to Step Up! May 6, 2012

Last month, my family very generously helped me fly out to Tennessee to see them. It was time of year… the when United Methodist bishops start announcing appointments. Sometimes the announcements are surprises, and at other times, they are expected. They can even come after quite a bit of conflict between a pastor and congregation. Regardless, there’s usually some juicy gossip that comes about why a pastor is leaving or who is coming. Those of us who have grown up observing the itineracy process are quite used to it (and I’ll confess I gave participated in my fair share of it). However, as I observed this process play out in March and April for some I know. I began to wonder when did we forgot about grace and reconciliation.

Pastors are human. They are fallible, and they will make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes might impact the “important” families in the church (which in my experience somehow makes the mistake much more significant). Sometimes they are responsible for challenging the views and personal ideologies held by parishioners or the majority of the congregation… Even when it’s hard and uncomfortable to hear.

At the same time, each congregation, made up of individuals, is fallible in its own right. We will hold on to our “sacred cows”, reluctant to explore new possibilities because “this is the way we’ve always done things.” We often are afraid to change and grow because those are never easy processes. When confronted by a pastor with the reality our stagnation or closed mindedness, we often respond with defiance. We talk and politic behind closed doors and refuse to consider another’s perspective.

It seems to me that when these things occur we run to the simplest solution- get rid of the pastor (or just work diligently to make her or his life pretty miserable often the bishop decides it’s time for a change). We use the itineracy process to find someone who will support the status quo, not ruffle our feathers rather than work to reconcile our relationships with one another. You see, the true reality is that grace is hard to practice, and while we expect our pastors to extend God’s grace to us, how often are we willing to extend it to them? How often do we recognize “never challenge individuals within the local congregation or individuals within that congregation” is not in their job descriptions? How often do we extend grace to our pastors in the midst of their humanity or truly consider their words of challenge when it ‘s time for us to grow? How often do we seek reconciliation rather than retribution when we disagree?

I’ve been processing these thoughts for almost a month, and then, this week of General Conference occurred leaving me wondering when we forgot about grace and love – two foundational elements of our Wesleyan theology (More to come on love in a later post.).

My understanding of the itineracy process is that a pastor is charged to serve alongside a local congregation for a time limited period. Each pastor brings her or his strengths as well as opportunities for growth to the congregations served. Because this relationship between the pastor and congregation is never intended to be permanent, the congregation is ultimately responsible for the vitality of the local church – not the pastor. This week the General Conference of the United Methodist Church approved a petition removing guaranteed appointments for ordained elders.

Let me start out by saying, I’m all for accountability, and I believe we should hold pastors accountable for the work they do (and be grace-filled in the process… a very careful balance). While I recognize the concerns related to the potential for discrimination with this new rule or concerns about what happens if the wrong parishioners are disgruntled, I’m really left questioning what the purpose is of the local church. Isn’t the vitality of the church the responsibility of the local congregation? Why aren’t we holding them accountable for their “effectiveness” (The operationlization of this term is an entirely different matter.)? When did the success of the church become primarily the pastor’s responsibility?

It is time for local congregations to take responsibility for the vitality of the church! Last year, the Council of Bishops issued The Call to Action, a call to create vital congregations within the United Methodist Church. With that in mind, I hope that those if us who are members of local congregations will accept this challenge, accept our significant responsibility in light of this challenge. I hope we will respond to this challenge, with the support of our itinerant pastors, with action rooted in grace and love. I hope that we will be grateful to our pastors who strive to hold us accountable even when it’s hard to hear. I hope we will work to mend and reconcile relationships with pastors with whom we might disagree. If we can’t show God’s love and grace to one another, being responsible for ourselves, how then can we expect to do so with others?

I’m Back!!! February 10, 2012

Well, sort of. Now that I’ve settled in here in Fresno, I’ve been blogging on a different, temporary (at least for now) site. A dear friend of mine and I, along with a few others, have been participating in an exciting year long project! I hope you’ll check it out and maybe even join us, and I’ll work on checking in here better.

Here’s the link for The Righteousness Project: righteousnessproject.wordpress.com

Hope to see you there!

Sizobonana! August 9, 2011

And then there was me… Harriet took off this afternoon, and Ben decided to spend a night in the lap of luxury (a.k.a. the Hilton). That leaves me here at the Hippo for the evening, and I’ll be heading out tomorrow evening. The good news is it’s Indian Night here at the Hippo, so I’ll be having Bunny Chow for the second time this trip! Basically, it’s bread stuffed with curried lamb.

Today was Women’s Day here in South Africa, a day to celebrate all women. The amazing stadium here gave flowers to all the women who came today; school was closed, and many stores were closed for the day. Harriet, Ben, and I spent the morning waiting for the bus only to learn that the fabric stores we were headed to were closed, but we got a chance to see Victoria Market. Even better we walked through the Muthi Market where native healers prepare and sell herbal remedies… everything from plants to animal heads were available for purchase.

I also went to the Valley of a Thousand Hills. Even though we saw no big game (I did get to see a couple of crocodiles!), the views were spectacular! I already know my pictures won’t even come close to doing it justice.

I expect this will be my final post from South Africa. I am sad to leave. The South African people are lovely! They have been warm and welcoming, even those we have met on the street. At the same time, this country and her people continue to struggle with extreme poverty, death from preventable diseases, and an HIV/AIDS epidemic. Through it all, they remain joyful. It’s a beautiful thing to behold and to have been a part of for a brief period of time. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to come here and anticipate coming back (Cash will be disappointed I didn’t see an elephant!). I’ll continue posting about the sessions, plenaries, etc for a while. Keep checking back! But for now, I’ll say sizobonana, South Africa!

Conference Wrap-Up August 8, 2011

It’s getting a little quiet here at the Happy Hippo… Our friends from Zimbabwe caught their bus to Johannesburg this afternoon, and from there, they will catch another bus on to Zimbabwe. They have a long trip ahead of them. Godson, our friend from Ghana, left this evening as well. Only Harriet, Ben, and I are left. Harriet will be leaving tomorrow, and Ben has splurged on a room at the Hilton for tomorrow night! Harriet is going to take us shopping tomorrow before she leaves, and then I will be headed the Valley of a Thousand Hills for the afternoon. I’m looking forward to getting out of the city for a big and possibly, if I’m really, really lucky, catching a glimpse of some game!

We had a beautiful closing worship service with the installation of officers and communion. We had a lovely evening as we walked along the beach to another hotel for dinner… the cheapest one so far… R27!!! And it wasn’t too bad, but we splurged on dessert with a few friends. All in all, it was a lovely evening, and a nice relaxing day. As I’ve said before, I’ll report all the details of the presentations, sermons, and reports at another time… when I’ve had a chance to process them (and I’m not paying for internet by the hour). I’ll have one more update tomorrow before I head out on Wednesday evening, but keep checking because I’m sure I’ll be posting updates for several weeks! Lalani kahle!

You Can Speak Zulu! August 7, 2011

This morning we divided and travelled around the Durban area for worship. I travelled to KwaMashu, about 20 north of the city Durban. KwaMashu was a township created under the apartheid government for the resettlement of black Africans from Durban. During apartheid rule, whites were not allowed to live in resettled areas while blacks were not allowed to live in Durban city-proper. The ride out to the township was fascinating as the quality of the living conditions decreased significantly, and yet for the most part we were surround by the “working middle class”.

I attend worship at the G2 KwaMashu Methodist Church where I sat in the front row just like my mom and dad taught me, and I’m so glad I did! As I sat down an African American woman behind me commented, “This reminds of church back in the old days. We about to be humbled.” Worship began before worship officially began with some amazing singing and dancing throughout the church. Several South Africans from around the country also chose to come to this worship service today, so they were familiar with the hymns (which were all in Zulu or another African language). There were no hymnals in the pews, so individuals either knew the hymns or owned personal copies of the hymnal. As the South African folks were dancing and I was shuffling my feet in place, a woman grabbed my arm, pulled me into the circle, and said, “Join us.” The sound reminded me, and understandably so, of the early recordings I’ve heard of spirituals (Don’t worry folks! I was able to get some video!). It was amazing! Since there were no actual notes on the page, everyone just sang… with everything they had, they sang! To be surrounded by it was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Later, after I moved, I sat next to another delegate from Johannesburg who shared her hymnal. I was still in the front row, so when the choir came down from the choir loft and started dancing during one of the hymns, I joined in…. but maybe not correctly because a sweet older woman looked at me and said, “Get low.” So I did! At the end of the service, a woman from the choir commented, “You can speak Zulu!” The energy and willingness of the people to be fully present in the service was just something I really can’t begin to put into words!

The people of Durban are so very proud to be hosting this conference! They have been praying for us for months and have continued to pray during the conference. They have taken over the catch-phrase from last year’s World Cup, “It is here. Can you feel it?” This afternoon they joined us in a parade/march through the streets of Durban followed by a rally at City Hall. On the way, children were hanging from their windows and the rooftops waving at us! There I ran into friends from KwaMashu, and we continued to sing and dance together. It was at the rally at a trio of homeless men asked to take their picture. One of them told me, “I know you’re a good person because you’re a Methodist because I’ve been in prison 6 times and each time the Methodists were the only ones who came to visit us in prison.”

It has been a glorious day of reflection and rejoicing, sharing it with a people who are still learning how to live with one another in a nation that is still healing deep wounds. Things aren’t perfect here yet. They’ve got a serious HIV/AIDS epidemic they’re dealing with along with the poverty, violence, and racial healing, but these people haven’t given up. They’re still working on it. Please don’t forget to keep them in your prayers.

Buffalo Soldier and Justin Bieber August 6, 2011

I ran out of minutes last night, so I’ve just posted yesterday’s report. Here is today’s. Again, there is SO much I could comment on, and I’m finding difficulty narrowing it down. First, for the Holston Conference folks out there. I saw Joe D tonight, and he is doing well. For the Yellowstone folks, Peg arrived late Thursday evening, and I finally saw her yesterday.

At some point, I will fill everyone in on the Bible studies and speakers, but I would prefer to share a couple of today’s experiences (Plus, I’m purchasing the DVDs of the speakers because I need to watch Dr. Joy Moore’s presentations a few more times. They’ve been amazing!!!). I spent a couple of hours today packing for an amazing organization called Stop Hunger Now (Please check them out at www.stophungernow.org). I worked with a team of three others filling bags with soy, soup mix, and rice (Again, photos to come later.). Each bag had enough food to feed 6 people! Two of my team members were girls from a high school here in Durban. Our team along with about 200 others filled 23,000 bags in 1.5 hours! While we were packing, we sang and danced…. to ABBA and Justin Bieber. Common ground.

Tonight, the city of Durban hosted a beach party for the WMC, and all of us, from all corners of the world, were able to find common ground on what is literally, as we were reminded on Thursday, our common ground of Africa. This time it was Bob Marley. Yes, for those of you who believe that Methodists don’t dance… I beg to differ! Tonight, I witnessed bishops from around the world, some of the greatest Wesleyan theologians, and local pastors dancing, jammin’, and singing (and they all knew all the words) to Buffalo Soldier. Because I had to haul all of the gifts I bought (including Cash’s) to the party, I did more observing and less dancing than I actually wanted to, and I commented to my friend, Harriet (one of the Happy Hippo Crew), a pastor in the inner-city of Chicago that I there’s a pretty strong theological statement in there somewhere… that a bunch of Methodist’s from all over the world who have been spending hours determining how to respond to issues related to social action and healing would find a commonality in Jamaican, Rastafarian singer-songwriter whose works transcended classes, races, genders, and creeds.

I attended the Healing of Memories workshop, and like some of the other talks, I will have to share that with you at another time.

Oh! And I got to blow my first vuvuzela today!!! I am now extremely impressed with the lung capacity of the South African people who blew those things for entires soccer matches last summer!

Radical Hospitality August 6, 2011

This is going to be quick because I’m tired,  I still need to eat dinner (Leftovers!), and I left my notes from this morning’s amazing Bible study upstairs. I’ll fill you in on that at another time, but rest assured it was awesome!

I’ve just returned from an Evangelistic worship service at Assegai Methodist Church just outside of Durban in Wentworth. It was a lesson in radical hospitality. As a youth, I had the opportunity to travel many UM churches as a guest, but NEVER have I been welcomed to any congregation (even when returning home) like I was welcomed tonight! Wentworth is a community experiencing a very high rate of poverty and is one of the areas dealing head on with the HIV/AIDS crisis facing this country. As we stepped off the bus, we were each handed a small welcoming gift. Then came the line-up… for hugs! Literally, we walked down the line of people and received hug after hug after hug as we entered the sanctuary. Once we were all in the sanctuary, we were invited to move into the SA version of a fellowship hall where there was a spread of cookies, cakes, and SA treats as well as tea! It was only after all this that we entered worship, and we definitely worshipped! It was amazing! Describing the experience won’t do it justice. I will say that several times I have lamented the lack of emotional commitment to our worship in the U.S. South Africa has not disappointed me! The evening ended with more hugs and good-byes, and while we were all very grateful for the experience we had been given, the congregation thanked us for joining them. I took a few pictures, but a young person from the congregation said he would e-mail me his. I’ll share them when I receive them.

Finally, I received a fabulous compliment from an 83 year old pastor from Cape Town (who, by the way, is still in full-time ministry!) who was standing behind me during worship. At the conclusion of the service, we were asked to stand up tell where we were from because “we don’t get too many visitors here.” Afterwards, the minister approached me said, “I thought you were South African! You worship like a South African!”

Amandla! August 4, 2011

The first order of business this evening is to settle any remaining concerns my parents might have about my first solo international excursion! If I could upload a photo, I would introduce you to Chipo, Helen, Nora, and Patience. After existing my room this morning, I was greeted by, “Are you Methodist?! Then we are family!” I spent most of the morning with these four women from Zimbabwe who were all very impressed that I made this journey alone. Those of us attending the conference staying here at the Happy Hippo have identified one another and managed to make our own little “family” here!

On another fun note, I know what I’m bringing my nephew back!!! It’s a total splurge, but it keeps with the soccer theme from my Ireland trip!

Now on to the amazing first day of the conference! I’ll try to condense my four pages of notes. The theme for the entire conference is Jesus Christ: For the Healing of the Nations. Certainly, healing is a theme, but a few other themes emerged during todays presentations and discussions: holism, efficacy, social action, the relational/connectional nature of the church. First, it should be noted, because it particularly relevent to the theme, that the fact that the conference is being held in South Africa is, in a very real sense, a celebration of the end of Apartheid, and the healing this nation has undergone continues to come up. Another big moment today was when we were formally greeted by a representative of the South African Islamic community who requested to greet us after learning we would be meeting here. Finally, there is nothing like hearing The Lord’s Prayer spoken in who knows how many languages at the same time!

On to “business” (which isn’t really business as much as it’s themes you can expect to hear in the coming years)… As we continued to focus on our relationships with one another, we were reminded that Africa is the motherland of all of humanity. Humanity originated on this continent, so it’s common ground; it’s a place we all ultimately share. Several questions were posed today regarding our relationships: How can the world be healed when the relations are commercial rather than relations that bring us together? How can the world be healed when we have no desire to touch one another? (I find this one particularly important!). We were challenged by the statement that the church chooses to act in ways that do not demonstrate efficacy (If you don’t know the difference between effectiveness and efficacy, google them!). We were reminded that the gospel is for all people without consideration, exception, or exclusion, and we cannot begin to rekindle passion for the gospel until we have a passion for one another. It goes back to that relationship thing and the prophetic call that we are to be our brothers’ and sisters’ keeper!

Social action was a significant part of our discussions today (even the one I had at dinner). John Wesley saw social action as a means of grace, therefore it is an underlying part of our Methodist theology. When discussing the healing of the nation of South Africa, one speaker asked, “How did the South Africa miracle happen?” The answer, “Because the church said every sinner should be forgiven.” (On Saturday I’m attending a 4 hour workshop on the forgiveness experience of this nation!). At the same time, how can we, as the church, offer healing when we haven’t identified the illness? The illnesses we heard about today included the ever growing gap between the rich and the poor, violence, humans dealing with one another as is they were different species. Two types of Christians were described. Commercial Christians will not hesitate to exploit the pain of the oppressed while the other type has defeated tyrants. Which one will be our future?!

If want to be the church that defeats tyrants,  we must do four things. First, we must reaffirm the work we have been doing in evangelism and assess our level of success. Evangelism and social action are two sides of the same coin. We must increase our commitment to divisions addressing social and economic issues. We must intensify our discourse on the key issues that affect the world. “We have to find a Methodist voice.” Finally, we have to build intentional programs for our people to visit one another. It’s not a mission opportunity, but just a chance to visit our brothers and sisters around the world!

Finally, we heard about the organization Stop Hunger Now, and Men’s Federation challenged us and our congregations (so get ready everybody, your delegates are coming back with this!) to fast on meal a week. Pray during the time you would normally be eating, and give that meal to an organization working to fight hunger (Stop Hunger Now or the UMCOR Hunger and Poverty fund). “A large number of people giving a small amount over a sustained period equals an economic tsunami.”

I’ve already written quite a bit. I attended a seminar this afternoon entitle Healing Jesus. Tomorrow I will be traveling out of Durban for a worship service, so I don’t know if I’ll post or not, and Saturday we have a beach party! I’ll do the best I can.